That I rarely take someone’s “word for it” is both blessing and curse. It’s great when perusing the internet, or shopping. It’s not so great when I rudely fact check people, leaving them upset I didn’t feel they were a good enough ‘source.’ I blame all the English courses. It’s especially bad for learning from the mistakes of others. Parents, friends, respected acquaintances, regardless who gives the advice 9 times out of 10 a lesson won’t sink in until I have made the mistake on my own. The lesson I am thinking of today, I have been learning since I was a child: budget money.

Pay attention to where it is going, make sure there is enough of it to pay for things needed -before spending it on crap certainly not needed. Simple advice, and I’ve done a decent job. By decent job I mean I get by and I only stress a minimum of once a month. The thing I realized recently is that I should not be stressing a minimum of once a month, because even doing simple math in my mind I know I make enough to pay for necessities and other bills I have brought upon myself. It never fails, though, I end up wondering each month where the (albeit small) excess went. I determined I need a budget, I need tracking, I just need to pay attention.

I have attempted — half-heartedly — to budget in the past. But, not like I decided to this morning. I put the Excel skills I picked up at work, coupled with Mara’s Excel knowledge, and the power of the internet to task on creating my personalized micromanagement tool. It monitors and adds and subtracts across multiple sheets, laying out all of the information I need completely personalized to my spending habits and bills. It also requires that I actively keep it up to date. This seemed to be my personal problem with my past attempts. Take Mint for example: this is a pretty awesome site, but once I entered in all my banking and bill information it did everything for me. The ‘alert’ emails were filtered into a Mint folder, and eventually I lost interest. It was so automated I didn’t really have to pay attention. I became bored. It told me everything I already knew, only in a pie chart. I wasn’t really budgeting, I just had the data necessary to try, and I wasn’t trying.

The hope with this latest effort is that all the spreadsheets and numbers will remind me of tabletop game, an accounting tabletop game – but a tabletop game. I hope this works out better, looking at the data provided just getting the thing started has blown my mind. It’s me versus frivolity. Wish me luck.

How do you know when a long distance relationship works? I’d argue when it’s not long distance any more. Just two days, and Mara moves in with me. I look forward to knowing when she arrives this time I will not be painfully taking her to the airport just five days later. Soon, when I greet her I will be able say “I missed you” rather than “I miss you.” And, even though I will be able to hug her often, I will never be able to take it for granted. My last real update I wrote about my happiness, and about how life changes. I am still happy, very happy, and life continues to change.

I understand now why adults, when I was a child, said things like “time flies” or “it seemed like yesterday…” time is moving quickly, and while I often wish I could ask it to slow, I find I am learning more and approaching each day with a greater sense of urgency. I have become aware that “I am going to” is something you can say until the end of your days, I am trying to squeeze more “I have” type phrases into my day.

With that, I have been writing more. I have a few serious projects I am working on and a few others incubating. While I work to complete these projects, I have another that is less a real writing project and more an exercise in facing a fear. I have always written, but I also always trash or destroy my work — sometimes literally– but mostly metaphorically, as I berate it then leave it in a notebook or file to collect dust. With the exception of my entries here, which are just random junk, I rarely exposed any fiction writing to others. My exercise is to maintain a work of fictional writing that anyone can see. I call it the Trapped Doorman and it has two entries so far, maintained online at TrappedDoorman.com. Until this moment only a few close friends have been given the address, but I am sending it to more. Updates have been sparse but the third is complete, and nearly ready, with a fourth started. I do not think the writing, or even the story, is up to my full potential but it is serving my purpose. I invite anyone to read it. Feedback so far has been favorable.

The next time I write here, I will be living with my wonderful Mara. It’s quite a large change, indicative of the pace my life has taken lately, and I meet it gladly with all the hope in the world. The site design change I made last time I updated was ugly and not at all in line with me or what was going on, this new look is better.

Life is a master of plot twists and surprises. In the past few months I have been promoted, left third shift and returned, I became single, and then attached again. Most of these things were unplanned, and most of them were welcome.

First, my promotion has been fantastic. I was nervous at first, but I’ve come to enjoy being a lead. I answer questions to the best of my ability, and when I don’t know the answers (you may gasp here) I have come to be even more resourceful in finding them. I also find myself taking a genuine interest in the performance of my team – a sense of responsibility I never really expected. I was originally moved to first shift, which was glorious, but I have since been moved back to third. Hopefully only briefly. I enjoyed my time amongst the living, but I will survive a few more months amongst the nocturnal.

I became single because I think we were simply going through the motions. I think we both realized it. However it happened, it was a positive step in my life. A change so drastic forces one to step back and look at things, and more importantly look at oneself. I learned a lot about myself, and what I want from life and love. I promised myself I’d be more honest, with myself and others, and that I’d be more open. And while the things I realized and the lessons I learned were valuable, I feel most fortunate that it lead me to meeting Mara.

From our very first conversation I was uncharacteristically comfortable speaking to her. In fact, I did so at length, and she not only listened and reciprocated – she seemed to enjoy it! We spoke daily until she eventually came out for a week to visit (she is from California). I had the most amazing time. We visited Sedona, the art museum, Zoolights, the Pasty Co., and sometimes just did nothing. No matter what we did, we had fun, and talked, and smiled. I’m fortunate to have found Mara, and don’t plan on letting her go. She’s been out once more, and now it’s my turn to visit her and meet her family. She’s arranged it as a birthday gift and I couldn’t ask for a better one. Life’s taken an interesting, and happy, turn. I’m thankful.